Beyond Intercourse: Exploring Pleasure with Carol Queen
Sex toys can be a welcome addition to a person’s sex life. In June, Rouse providers had a meeting with sexologist Carol Queen where she discussed genital anatomy and sex toys that can increase the likelihood of experiencing pleasure during a sexual encounter.
For this meeting, Carol’s main focus was the genital configuration of people assigned female at birth and the sexuality is often common to those people. She expressed how this can include a wide range of people and specifically noted that this can include, “trans men, non-binary folk, and people who are asexual and may or may not want to play around with the body parts I’m going to reference.” She also explained how she would be using terms that are typically associated with female anatomy but also try not to be assumptive while speaking to the providers.
Essential Anatomy Lesson
Carol began her meeting by showing the Rouse providers a vulva puppet created in the 1990s. After confirming that the size nor the colors of the vulva puppet are comparable to most humans, she gave a quick rundown of the vulva anatomy. Interestingly, when Carol described the Labia Majora and Labia Minora, she shared how she prefers to not use those terms. She asserted it was because for some people the inner labia protrudes more and the outer labia may be flatter so designating one structure as “big” and the other as “small” may not make sense and it may make a person feel some type of way about how their own anatomy. So, she instead used and prefers the terms outer labia and inner labia. Carol continued with a summary of the vulva structures by showing providers where the urethra, vagina, G-spot, anus, perineum, and clitoris are located on the vulva puppet. She then gave Rouse providers a more in-depth look at the structure of the clitoris using a model she owned and briefly described the clitoral head, legs and bulbs.
The Sexes are NOT Opposite
Carol emphasized how genitals are more similar than people may think and are functionally comparable to one another. She stated, “Everyone is undifferentiated in the womb,” and every part of the vulva and clitoral anatomy has a relational part on someone who is assigned male at birth. She divulged how the hood of the clitoris would be the foreskin on a penis, the clitoris would be the shaft and head of the penis, and the out labia becomes the scrotal sac. Carol said it best in exclaiming, “We’re not opposites. We do not have that excuse for not understanding one another.”
Give the Clitoris Some Love
When it comes to sex and sexual pleasure, the two concepts may not always go hand in hand. Sexual pleasure is often not emphasized when being taught about sex because intercourse tends to take center stage, which for some teachings means penis in vulva penetration. While this can be a pleasurable experience for some, when teachings about intercourse revolve around the idea of penetration, discussions around providing clitoral stimulation may be forgotten or neglected.
Carol urged Rouse providers to understand that they might be in a position to help people understand the relevance of the clitoris in play when people were assigned at birth and to bear in mind the variety of ways a person with a clitoris may enjoy stimulation.
Fun with Toys
Sex toys can be a welcome addition to sexual activities, whether it be for solo play or for partnered play. Carol swears that it’s also a great tool to use if someone is interested in exploring their body “to get a better idea of what arousal feels like and what a ramp up to arousal feels like.” Because Carol’s focus was on genital configuration of people assigned female at birth, she shared toys that were made to stimulate this particular anatomy.
Carol shared a variety of toys with Rouse providers that are great for clitoral stimulation and vaginal pleasure. Some toys she shared were great for clitoral stimulation but not penetration such as mushroom shaped vibrator that could be used for direct stimulation on the clitoris as well as on the clitoral hood, a toy called The Fin from Dame which can wrap around a finger or two and can be used to touch whatever body part a person desires, a wand style vibrator that can provide different levels of intensity, and air pleasure toys that are meant to cover the clitoris entirely and produce a sensation like suction.
Other toys Carol shared that were great for clitoral stimulation and penetration were one small looking vibrator that could be designed to stimulate the clitoris while also curving to arouse the G-spot, a vibrator that could be inserted vaginally while a smaller component of the toy stimulates the clitoris externally, and a vibrator that is inserted vaginally to arouse the G-spot and can also allow penetration from a finger, dildo or penis.
Carol Queen is without a doubt a passionate advocate for all things related to sex and sexuality and has dedicated her time to empower and inspire people to embrace their own sexual identity. Her meeting with Rouse providers helped them better understand the anatomy of a person with a vulva, how similar that anatomy is to a person with a penis and testicles, and which sex toys to discuss and possibly recommend to people who are interested in using them. This meeting was another step in making sure that we here at Rouse understand and uphold the value that everyone has a right to pleasure and will aid whoever asks for help achieving it.
