Your partner can't fix you
By learning how to soothe yourself, you learn to identify what you’re feeling and what you need. You can then communicate that to a partner or loved one if you want to be supported. By being able to tend to your needs initially, you can offer your partner a path to continue to help you.
I don’t doubt that you’ve probably tried many ways to approach the heightened emotions in your relationship. You’ve likely tried:
Anger management classes
Self-help books
Couples communication classes
Taking time apart
Couples therapy
Initiator-Inquirer: Difficult conversations without fighting
It can be tough to figure out how to communicate with your partner. When’s a good time to talk with your partner? Do you need to take turns when talking? Do you keep questioning and investigating, or just go along with what they’re saying? You go into it feeling grounded and at peace, telling yourself you’ll stay calm … only to lose your shit a few minutes later.
Figuring out the right communication strategy for couples can make all the difference in your relationship. So let’s take a look at an intervention we often use at Rouse to help partners slow down and really communicate with each other.
What is Initiator-Inquirer?
Initiator-Inquirer is a communication exercise developed by Ellyn Bader and Pete Pearson from The Couples Institute in Menlo Park, CA. Bader and Pearson are highly experienced couples therapists who have been training upcoming couples therapists for over two decades.
So, what are the main attachment styles anyway?
Have you ever wondered why you act the way you do around certain people? Why some situations make you feel really good, while others make you feel terrible? It might all have to do with your attachment style. Your attachment style is basically how you interact with other people and the world around you. There are four main types of attachment styles, and knowing which one you have can help explain a lot about your behavior. So what are the four attachment styles? Keep reading to find out!
Can my attachment style change?
There’s been a lot of attention given to attachment styles over the last few years, and rightfully so. Attachment can help provide wonderful insight into the how’s and why’s around our way of connecting with others.
I discussed some of the origins of attachment theory in previous articles, and today I want to focus on a common question:
Does my attachment style change?
Anxious attachment styles: The hows, the why’s and the what do’s
Are you the type of person who panics when they're not around their partner? Do you feel like you’re uncertain of your relationship even if your partner says they love you? Do you find yourself scanning for proof that they do or don’t love you? If so, you may have an anxious attachment style. But, don't worry, there's nothing wrong with you!
Feel supported by your partner
DEAR MAN for Desires
We all have them. Our secret sexual desires that we keep hidden away, scared to share in case our partner doesn't find them desirable (or even worse, weird). But what happens when you do finally summon up the courage to tell your partner about that thing you've always wanted to try? It can be daunting - but it doesn't have to be.
Using sex to soothe
There’s no doubt that sex is a powerful thing. It can make us feel happy, fulfilled, and loved. Other times sex can be a way to connect, communicate, or care. Sometimes, people turn to sex as a way to soothe their emotions—especially when they’re feeling stressed, anxious, or grieving.
The truth about anxiety and desire
We all know that feeling. That pesky little voice in our head that tells us we're not good enough, smart enough, or sexy enough. It's the voice of anxiety, and for a lot of us, it can be debilitating. Anxiety can make it difficult to focus on anything else but our own perceived flaws.
What makes someone have responsive desire?
Does your partner know what turns you on or turns you off? Do you know for yourself? It can be tough to figure out what’s in our erotic template, especially when life stress gets in the way of accessing our emotions and sexual self.
Responsive or spontaneous desire?
Desire can feel confusing and complicated, especially when it seems like it's coming from nowhere. Often, sex and couples therapists see couples who have differences in their desire or libido. However, what is seen as low libido can sometimes be primarily a difference in how that person processes desire and arousal.
Take a moment
The Dirty Details on Sex Therapy
Some can have an intimidated or awkward reaction to the idea of sex therapy. There are concerns of being judged or scrutinized, or being made to tell all of their sexual encounters in shameful detail.
You Survived 2021!(?)
You made it!
You got through 2021. How are you holding up? Are you ready for a victory lap or are you collapsed in the corner? Wherever you are in this arbitrary spectrum I just made up, I hope you get some rest.
Wax & Wane
Why Men’s Groups?
4 ways to talk to your partner about sexual anxiety
Let's face it, anxiety sucks. It can make you feel like a prisoner in your own head and as if there is no escape from the ever-present worry. In fact, sometimes talking about our worries to someone else can be just what we need to remind ourselves that we're not alone in these experiences and feelings.