Ghosting: Why Do People Choose to Disappear?
Halloween is just around the corner, and while ghosts may be a nostalgic and thrilling part of our spooky season, ghosting is a serious and unfortunate reality for many people. Ghosting is a term used to describe the act of suddenly and without explanation, disappearing from a person's life or communication, leaving the other person feeling bewildered, hurt, and confused. Ghosting can happen in friendships, work relationships, and romantic relationships. Couples therapy can be an excellent place to approach ghosting or stonewalling within relationships. Today, we will delve into the possible reasons why people choose to ghost their partners or dates and discuss how it can impact the other person.
Conflict Avoidance:
Conflicts are not an enjoyable experience for most people. Some fear of confrontation can cause them to ghost their partner or date. They feel uncomfortable discussing their issues, and instead of addressing them head-on, they choose to avoid them entirely. Ghosting allows them to sidestep the awkward nature of managing the conflict. However, while this may seem like the easiest way to handle things at the time, in the long run, it can lead to unresolved conflicts and hurt feelings.
Finding a couples therapist or sex therapist can help address your issues with conflict avoidance and improve your communication skills. A trained therapist can help you identify the reasons behind your avoidance and help you work on improving your communication skills and your comfort in having difficult conversations.
Anxiety:
Anxiety is a common mental health condition that can make communicating with others difficult. People who suffer from anxiety may find it challenging to initiate conversations, express their thoughts and feelings, or handle rejection. For some, ghosting can seem like the perfect solution to avoid these difficult interactions. However, it's essential to remember that while ghosting may provide immediate relief from their anxiety, it can have lasting negative consequences.
Attachment styles play a crucial role in forming and sustaining relationships with others. When we experience anxiety or insecurity in relationships, we may develop attachment styles that lead to ghosting. Avoidant attachment, for instance, is a prevalent attachment style that can cause people to distance themselves from others and even disappear without explanation. However, ghosting can also be a conscious strategy for some individuals who need distance that feels comfortable. This pattern can damage relationships and hinder our ability to connect with others if unaddressed. Recognizing our attachment style and its impact on our relationships is crucial to relational wellness.
Therapy for anxiety is a common request and one that deserves a lot of focus and attention. Thankfully, there are many proven approaches to addressing anxiety of all forms. Speaking with a therapist can help address your anxiety in relationships.
ADHD and Executive Functioning Issues:
People with executive functioning issues may have difficulties planning, organizing, and completing actions. For them, responding promptly to a message or returning a phone call can be an overwhelming task. As a result, they may choose to delay responding until it's too late and then experience embarrassment or shame. Avoiding further communication seems more manageable, but it's essential to consider that it can leave the other person feeling hurt and ignored.
Others may also experience an "out of sight, out of mind" where they have trouble completing tasks if it's not in front of them. Another reason to check in with people instead of making assumptions.
"It's a trap":
How do I put this delicately? …Maybe you're being an asshole. While balance is key, it's good to check in with yourself to see if you've been pushy, bullying, manipulative, or abusive. Your friend or partner may experience you as abusive or manipulative and have tried to bring up these issues before but haven't felt listened to.
If you have a pattern of people ghosting you, and especially if you've been told you have a habit of being manipulative or abusive, you can check in with a mutual friend for a reality check. Ask them:
Have I done anything that pushes you away?
Without naming names, have others talked to you about my behavior?
What's your experience of how I speak to people?
Obviously, they'll have to feel safe enough with you to be direct, but it can be worth exploring.
Seeking the support of a therapist to get a sense of your values, boundaries, needs, and communication skills can be a useful experience for many people.
Other times, some with a trauma history may get triggered by certain interactions and have a freeze or avoidance response, making it difficult to follow through on communicating.
Entitlement and Inconsideration:
Unfortunately, some people ghost others because they feel entitled to act as they please. These people may be inconsiderate of other people's feelings and lack empathy. They may think it's okay to stop communication with someone without any explanation suddenly. This behavior can be hurtful and disrespectful, leaving the other person feeling devalued and disrespected.
Naivety:
Some people choose to ghost others because they don't understand the impact of their actions. They may not realize how hurtful it can be to disappear without warning. This type of ghosting is not meant to be malicious but more or less out of ignorance. This would be a perfect opportunity for a compassionate but direct conversation on how this person's actions impacted you. For more information on this type of conversation, check out some of our blogs below:
Ghosting can happen for a variety of reasons, not all of them being negative. However, it's important to remember that while ghosting may seem like the easiest solution at the time, it can lead to mistrust, confusion, and hurt feelings. Subscribe to our newsletter to stay updated on relationship and communication tips. Remember, communication is key, and honesty is always the best policy. Let's strive to build healthy and mindful relationships.