Healing Trauma Beyond Words: The Power of Brainspotting
Trauma can be an intricate and deeply rooted experience that is often difficult to work through with only talk therapy. Brainspotting offers a method to access and heal trauma on a deep and neurological level. Let’s explore how Brainspotting can be a game-changer for clients who have tried talk therapy and are seeking a more effective way to heal from their trauma.
Unleashing Calm in Kinky Chaos: Tips for Managing Anxiety at Events like Folsom St Fair
The Folsom St. Fair is an annual BDSM and leather street fair that attracts thousands of people to San Francisco for a day of extravagance and exploration. As exhilarating as this event can be, it can also be overwhelming, especially for people who experience anxiety or stress. Let's explore ways to calm your nervous system and ground yourself during big events like Folsom St. Fair using tips from the workshop "Unleashing Calm in Kinky Chaos," led by David Khalili, LMFT, Founder of Rouse Relational Wellness.
Change your approach to sex
When it comes to sex, society has taught us that it's a linear process. We are expected to escalate activities until we reach the ultimate goal: penetrative sex. However, this approach can be limiting and stressful for many people. The circular model of sex provides an alternative way to explore intimacy, where pleasure is the ultimate goal, not just getting to a specific sexual act. Let's look at the differences between the two models and how embracing the circular model can lead to a more fulfilling and pleasurable sexual experience.
Note: this article is based on the workbook by David F Khalili, LMFT, Sex Worriers: A Mindfully Queer Guide to Men's Anxiety to Sex and Dating
Should guys do pelvic floor exercises too?
As men, we often focus on building upper body strength while neglecting the importance of training our pelvic muscles. Little do we know that the pelvic floor is a group of muscles that work together to support the bladder, bowel, and other pelvic organs. When these muscles weaken, it can lead to urinary incontinence, erectile dysfunction, and other complications. In an article from earlier this year, Dr. Karah Charette, a pelvic floor physical therapist, shared how pelvic floor exercises help with sexual dysfunction. Building off that, we will discuss the importance of pelvic floor exercises for men and provide helpful videos to get started.
Why Some Wait So Long to Start Couples Therapy
Relationship issues can be challenging, and it's not uncommon for couples to wait years before seeking professional help. According to the Gottman’s, couples often wait up to six years before addressing any serious issues in their relationship. This decision could be based on various reasons, from trying to fix it on their own with self-help books, therapy podcasts, and workshops to not wanting to admit that there's a problem because it could raise more significant questions. We believe that couples should normalize these feelings but seek professional support when their issues start to repeat and remain unresolved.
Trying to fix it on their own
Many couples avoid therapy because they believe they can fix their relationship issues on their own. They read self-help books, listen to podcasts, and attend workshops, thinking they can solve their problems without professional help. However, while there's nothing wrong with reading or listening to advice from relationship experts, these resources only provide general tips and can't substitute professional and specialized support. Ultimately, each relationship is unique, and each case requires an individualized approach that considers all aspects of the dynamic.
Celebrating Pride Safely: A Guide to Finding Joy While Staying Safe
For many in the LGBTQIA+ community, that means participating in Pride festivities. While these celebrations can be a great way to connect with others and show your pride, it’s important to prioritize your safety. In this blog post, we’ll share tips and insights to help you stay safe and find joy during this year’s Pride festivities.
Stay in Groups - One of the most important ways to stay safe during Pride is to stay in groups. Traveling with friends or participating in group events reduces the risk of experiencing harm or violence. Designate a buddy or two to stay close to you throughout the day. This way, you can watch each other and have someone to turn to if something feels off. Alternatively, you can cheer them on from afar as they chat up that cutie they were checking out.
How Relationship Issues Impact Mental Health
Courtesy Billing: Making Therapy More Accessible and Affordable
Access to mental health support has always been a challenge for many people. According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), around 1 in 5 adults in the US experience some form of mental illness every year (1). Despite this staggering statistic, it is estimated that nearly a third of US adults who need mental health care don't get the help they need. Cost has always been a significant barrier to accessing mental health care (2). However, thanks to courtesy billing, therapy is becoming more affordable and accessible than ever before.
What is Courtesy Billing?
When you hear the term courtesy billing, it means that your therapist will file your insurance claim on your behalf. With courtesy billing, you pay the therapist directly for the services provided. This payment usually gets processed on the same day as your appointment or it could be at the end of the week. Your therapist will then file the claim, and your insurance company sends the reimbursement directly to you.
Men's Groups: Unlocking Emotional Connection & Practicing Vulnerability
We continue recruiting for our Anxiously Intimate online men's group in our straight-leaning and queer-learning cohorts. We’ve received a lot of interest and intrigue in our groups and different questions about how the groups are run. So, to help you with your decision to join the group or share with a friend or client, we’ve created this FAQ for more details.
Addressing your own protest behavior
Relationships are not always easy and can be filled with complications. When disagreements arise, the way each person reacts is crucial. Sometimes when individuals feel unheard, they may resort to protest behaviors. Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you just couldn't stop reaching out to someone, demanding attention, or even starting arguments? If so, you might have unknowingly engaged in protest behaviors related to your attachment style. These behaviors often arise when we experience anxiety in a relationship, and they're a way of trying to maintain the connection with our partner. However, protest behaviors can sometimes come off as clingy or even manipulative, so it's important to recognize them and address them healthily. Understanding the roots of your protest behaviors can help you cultivate a more fulfilling love life, whether navigating a new romance or a long-term relationship.
The Narcissistic Parent Trap: How Growing Up with Self-Absorbed Parents Can Affect Your Journey of Gender Identity
Exploring gender is a complex and multifaceted internal process that involves understanding, experiencing, and questioning one's own gender identity, expression, and roles within societal norms and expectations. It is a process that begins in childhood and continues throughout adulthood.
At the core of exploring gender is the process of self-discovery. While this is doable independently, it is best done with support, like friends or a therapist. This process may involve introspection, self-examination, and self-acceptance, as individuals strive to understand and embrace their own unique gender identity. It’s often not a single exploration, but rather something that happens over and over again.
Don't Suffer in Silence: Talking to Your Partner about Pain During Sex
Sex is supposed to be enjoyable and satisfying, but it can be physically painful for many women. Maybe you experience discomfort during penetration or find that your vaginal area is sore afterward. But do you talk about it with your partner? If you don't, you're not alone. It's natural to feel embarrassed or uneasy about sharing this type of information, but keeping quiet only prolongs the problem. That's why in this blog post, we will discuss the importance of talking to your partner if you have pain during sex.
The Three Types of Orgasms Every Vulva-Owner Should Know
Should I See a Sex Therapist if I Have Sexual Trauma?
Sexual trauma can have a profound impact on an individual's life. It can lead to feelings of shame, guilt, and low self-esteem, as well as difficulty forming and maintaining healthy relationships. Sex therapists are trained professionals who specialize in helping individuals overcome sexual difficulties, including those related to sexual trauma.
Here are some ways that a sex therapist can help heal sexual trauma:
Creating a Safe Space: A sex therapist can create a safe, non-judgmental environment where an individual can share their experiences without fear of being shamed or blamed. This can help the individual feel heard, validated, and supported, which can be an important first step in the healing process.
Working with Interracial Couples: 5 Tips for Therapists
Couples therapy can be daunting for any therapist, but it is crucial to consider the unique needs of interracial couples. Couples in these relationships often have to face many challenges that are not present in same-race couple relationships. As a therapist, it is important to be aware of these issues and to create an environment where both partners feel comfortable talking about them. Here are five key points to remember when working with interracial couples.
Watch Out for Your Own Bias
Therapists must examine their own beliefs and assumptions about race and ethnicity before working with interracial couples. Suppose you find yourself making snap judgments or expecting certain behaviors from either partner based on race. In that case, it's time to do some self-reflection and seek out additional training in cultural humility. Your own biases may inadvertently lead you to make assumptions about the relationship dynamics or communication patterns that could be inaccurate or even harmful. Whenever possible, do your research, seek consultation, try to remain open-minded, and remember that each couple’s situation is unique.
Top Black Sexual Wellness Leaders You Should Follow
In recent years, the conversation around sexual wellness has become much more open, honest, and normalized. We owe that in no small part to the following incredible black leaders dedicated to making this complex topic more accessible. Here is a list of five influential sexual wellness leaders you should know about and what they have contributed to the field.
Marla Renee Stewart: Marla Renee Stewart advocates for sexual health and wellness. She is the founder of Velvet Lips, a sex-positive workshop facilitator and coach. Marla Renee also produces workshops that focus on consent and communication between couples. Her work has been featured in publications such as The Guardian and New York Magazine.
Over the last eight years, Marla Renee has co-led the Sex Down South Conference, which offers a sex-positive space for people from all walks of life to get together, explore, connect, and share knowledge and skills.
5 questions to ask before starting couples therapy
While each approach offers something different, they all have one common goal - helping couples build strong relationships.
Can I start if there’s a small issue in our relationship?
Couples therapy is a great way to start addressing problems before they become too severe and potentially damaging to the relationship. Through couples therapy, couples can develop better communication skills, stop fighting, and gain insight into the underlying issues behind their disagreements. With couples therapy, couples can work with a professional virtually or in-person to identify and address their problems in a safe space. Moreover, couples may be able to identify individual triggers that could cause further conflict and work together to develop strategies for working through them in a mutually beneficial way. So if couples are encountering small relationship problems, online couples therapy is an excellent way to resolve those issues before they get out of hand!
Steer Clear of Toxic PFAs in Your Reproductive and Sexual Wellness Products
The recent settlement from Thinx underwear regarding their use of toxic PFAs has been a major wake-up call for reproductive and sexual wellness products. We all want to ensure that the products we use are safe, but it can be difficult to determine which materials are safe and which should be avoided. In this blog, we’ll dive into what exactly PFAs are and why they should be avoided when shopping for reproductive and sexual wellness products.
What Are PFAs?
PFAs stands for “per-fluoroalkyl substances.” This family of chemicals includes PFOA (perfluorooctanoic acid) and PFOS (perfluorooctane sulfonate). These particular chemicals have been used in many different types of products, including food packaging materials, clothing, furniture, and even non-stick cookware. Unfortunately, they can also be found in certain reproductive and sexual wellness products and have been linked to health risks such as cancer and hormone disruption.
January is Cervical Cancer Awareness Month – Let’s Talk About HPV Vaccines
It’s a new year, and we celebrate January as cervical cancer awareness month. Cervical Cancer Awareness is incredibly needed when the preventative measure for this cancer is mired in moral panic and pearl-clutching behaviors.
So it’s time to talk (keep talking) about HPV vaccines, why they are important, and why there shouldn’t be any stigma around sexual pleasure. Let’s start by breaking down the basics of cervical cancer and how it can be prevented.
What is cervical cancer?
Cervical cancer occurs when abnormal cells grow uncontrollably on the cervix, which is the lower part of the uterus that connects to the vagina. This type of cancer is preventable and treatable if detected early enough.
Why get the HPV vaccine?
The human papillomavirus (HPV) is one of the most common sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If left untreated, HPV can cause several types of cancers in both men and women, including cervical cancer in women. The HPV vaccine helps protect against certain types of cervical cancer caused by the virus. It also helps protect against some other types of cancers such as anal, oropharyngeal (throat), penile, vaginal, and vulvar cancers in both men and women. There are three doses available for this vaccine, and it should be administered before anyone becomes sexually active or at least two weeks before their first sexual encounter. Furthermore, the vaccine and our understanding of HPV continue to develop. Even recently, WHO announced that studies have shown that even one dose of the vaccine can provide “comparable efficacy and protection” as would two doses.
How Can Pelvic Floor Physical Therapy Help Sexual Dysfunction?
Many people still do not know what pelvic floor physical therapy is, let alone that it can help with sexual dysfunction! If you feel you have hit a wall with pain with sex or decreased sexual appreciation, you may want to consider what pelvic floor physical therapy can do for you.
The first question you may ask is “what is the pelvic floor?”. The pelvic floor is essentially a sling of muscles at the base of your pelvis that plays a vital role in bowel, bladder, and sexual health. Whether you are penis-bodied or vulva-bodied, all bodies have this important group of muscles and all bodies can benefit from treatment of these muscles when symptoms present.
“Pelvic Floor Dysfunction” simply refers to the idea that the pelvic floor muscles may not be working to the best of their ability. For some folks, the issue may be that the muscles are being held too tensely, or that there may be a lack of coordination in both contracting and relaxing these muscles. It is important to work with a skilled pelvic floor physical therapist to have an individualized assessment in order to determine what specifically may be going on with your pelvic floor muscles.
It is important to acknowledge that the pelvic floor muscles play a key role in sexual arousal and orgasm, as well as penile rigidity. Issues in any of these aspects of sexual appreciation can be due to lack of coordination, lack of blood flow, and lack of elasticity or suppleness in the structures that support these functions. Healthy muscles are ones that can fully contract and relax, and this motor control can be improved with pelvic floor physical therapy.